Twilight Definitely Gay
by AbusiveCupcake
Summary: Edward/Jacob... Parody... not for those who are like what i was like before i had my mind polluted by my best mates


**Please note this is the work of me and my friends, before this I would have never been able to write this graphically but they polluted my mind and helped me come up with the structure of this parody. Hope you like it.**

The beautiful bride walks down the moss covered aisle. Jacob stands in the shadows, watching them. Bella turns around and batters her false eyelashes at him, whilst giving him a flirtaous wave, but his focus is not on her it's on the fit arse vampire waiting at the altar, oh what he would give to smash his backdoors in.

As the evening draws on, Jacob tries to find his chance to crash the party. He sits on a rock watching Edward sway his hips as he dances with his wife. The idea of that slut fucking the living, well metaphorically speaking, day lights out of Edward instead of him, twist his mind helping him making the decision that, that hoe has to go. Within 20 minutes Bella has made her way up to Edward's room for some time allow. She stands on the balcony looking out into the dense forest, unknowing Jacob is sneaking up behind her. Just as he reaches the bitch she turns and gasps playfully.

"You're looking sexy this evening" she coos and runs her hands over his bare chest.

"You don't think your 'relationship' is going to last do you? There is no way in fucking hell i am letting you fuck my man" Jacob asks in a harsh voice. Before Bella can make a single movement, Jacobs hands collides with her face, the sound would have been heard by all the members of the party if the music hadn't have been so loud. She falls to the floor, Jacob spits on her.

"He is mine, Bitch" he growls then grabs her limp body, Jacob goes to throw her from the window but he hears someone coming so chucks her on the bed and leaps from the window, returning to spying on the hot vampire boy. Once bitch face has arose the pair set off on their honeymoon, unknowing that a very determined werewolf is following in their tracks. The wedding car purrs down the road, the newlywed girl gazes out the passenger window, replaying what happened between her and Jacob. Edward places his hand on her thigh stroking his thumb gently to make her return to the 'real world'.

"What's wrong darling?" he asks his eyes fixed on the road.

"Well..." Bella starts but Jacob stands above on a high cliff edge, he see's Edwards hand touching her and kicks a small rock in rage, starting a fuck off rock slide. It crushes the couple's bonnet stopping them in their tracks

"Oh, shit, I'm going to get another car" Edward exclaims and starts to sprint into the forest. Bella sits alone in the car, grabbing a blanket from the back and settling down. As Edward runs around the tress, Jacob follows a few meters behind he slams into the speeding vampire, knocking him out against a tree. The bare chested werewolf picks up his prize, giving him a fireman's lift, then heads off to a secret location.

When he reaches the cave, Jacob stripes down his new bum buddy, replacing his casual clothes with a babies outfit. Jacob lifts the awaking vampire onto a chair tying him down with thick chains. Edward awakens finding Jacob slowing striping off his remaining clothes.

"Jacob, What the fuck dude?" Edward shouts, trying to squirm free from the chains before seeing the outfit he is dressed in. Jacob walks over to the boy, with a bottle of 'milk' for him.

"Suck on this bottle baby" Jacob growls sexually, a hungry look on his face. He shoves the bottle into Edward's mouth; the vampire gags as the white liquid pours down his throat. Jacob squeezes the bottle making every last drop be swallowed. The bottle falls from Jacobs hands once empty, he sits himself on top of the pinned vampire.

"You are mine" he whispers in his ear. Then pulls the chains away and grabs Edward by the wrist, he slams him against the wall and rips the cloth from Edwards waist, the vampire tries to push Jacob away but Jacob slams him from behind. Edwards's eyes widen, and he bites his bottom lip as Jacob, thrusts back and forth. The vampire lets out several times, whilst Jacob on the other hand lets out moans of joy as he pounds the vampire from behind. Something click inside Edward he pushes against Jacob, making his penetrate deeper and deeper inside him. He starts moaning loudly, Jacob sees his darlings change in behaviour and uses it.

"Faster, harder, call yourself a werewolf, you can hit me better than that" Edward cries and pulls away and grabs Jacob making him stand against the wall, Edward starts thrusting into Jacob, they create cries and screams for all the world to hear.

Bella snaps awake when she hears screams ripping through the air, she checks around seeing no sign of Edward. The young human flips out her phone and dials Alice's number, who answers on the second ring.

"What's up?" rings the chirpy voice down the line.

"Rock slide, crushed car bonnet, Edward went to get another car and he hasn't returned for..." she checks her watch, "4 hours and 47 minutes"

" Okay Bella I'll come get you then we will look for Edward" she chirps and cuts off the phone.

Bella sits and waits another 20 minutes and Alice, stops dead at the side of the car.

"Damn girl this is ruined, your gunna have to get on my back" she says, Bella exits the car and Alice gives her a piggy back , following the smell of Edward. They reach the point where Jacob rammed him.

"Oh no" Bella whispers and explains to Alice what happened on the balcony.

Alice listens completely confused to the fact Jacob is gay AND fancies a vampire. "Omg that is creepy, funny and completely weird all at once" she finally says and takes Bella's hand following their scents towards the cave.

Jacob's moans and shouts increase as the vampire uses his strength and speed to increase the amount of thrust between them, Jacob's body pounds against the wall; small bruises appear on his skin and his breathing is fast and strong, he claws the walls causing his finger tips to bleed. Edward pushes faster and harder into his puppy dog, who yelps every now and then from the change of speed.

The pair of girls rush towards the sounds, coming from a cave, high up on an unstable ledge. Alice jumps and lands lightly as not to scare whoever is in the cave, they enter slowly, they see pieces of clothing scattered around, and chair and bottle. Alice pulls on Bella's arm to see the two boys against the wall, Bella lets out an gasp of confusion, as she sees her husband fucking her best friend. The pair turn their heads to see the ladies stood there. Edward pushes away from Jacob and grabs the cloth.

"Bella, Listen it's not going to work out okay, hun... your human and well Jacob is so much fun to fuck, and im sorry but that's life" he drops the cloth and hugs her then turns to face Jacob who stands there leaning against the wall awaiting for his partner to join him again.

"Edward, You're out the family, and Jacob i can't believe i had that one night stand with you" Alice huffs and throws the chair at him. The werewolf lets it hit him, and then walks over to the tiny vampiress.

"Darling I'm sorry and think what Jasper would say" He leans down and kisses her head then turns back to his vampire and they continue fucking not caring that the girls are still there. Bella's Head is confused and broken like her heart, she Lets out a massive scream then launches herself from the cliff. Alice is one step ahead she grabs the mental girl and hits her over the head, knocking her out.

**10 Days Later**

The fit arse vampire waltz' around the dance floor with his sexy werewolf. Their matching rings touching, Bella sways pass them arm in arm with her new vampire boyfriend, he is tall dark and Handsome, she covers he belly with a blanket but everyone knows what that slut has got herself into, and now the Cullen's have ditched her she is going to die a slow and very painful death whilst her boyfriend and baby skip over together. The vampire and werewolf starts to stop dancing they take their places and cut the cake. Jacob turns to face his beloved

" Darling, i have news" he whispers " Arni, will be here in a few days" he smiles. Edwards eyes light up.

"Oh Jacob our very own little vampire to take care of" he hugs his partner and they run off to their love cave together.


End file.
